When I hear people ranting and raving about how terrible Paris is – crowded, busy, dirty, overrated – I find myself caught between comprehension and rage.
Having lived in the French capital for four years, Paris has a special place in my heart; I will always cherish the days I spent there.
But on the other hand, I understand the sentiment. The city is not always all it’s cracked up to be.
Flaky pastries, strong coffee, excellent wine (even the bottom-shelf supermarket stuff is good there), sure.
But also pouring rain for most of the year, rude residents and a work culture I struggled to fit into.
If you’re not a born-and-bred Parisian, life here is not always easy. Even my French friends – who hail from the likes of Lyon and the south of France – would agree, there’s a shared language between those who’ve grown up in the city that no amount of French fluency can teach.
I should know – I’ve tried. Living in Paris for three years in the early 2000s – and again in 2021 – gave me the best leg up I could have asked for.
For me, I hoped living in France as a child would have helped me to integrate when I moved back in my early twenties. To an extent, it did – I wasn’t met with quite as much attitude as my English-speaking friends.
Travel writer Erin Deborah Waks spent four years of her life in Paris
While the city is, of course, beautiful, it’s certainly a flawed place, she says
But in reality, living in the most romantic city on earth isn’t always easy.
I had dreamed of leaving my north London suburb behind. Nothing screams ‘hell on earth’ in my book like a leafy neighbourhood, an hour from the city buzz, where everyone knows everyone and a neighbour can just pop over for a coffee unannounced (sorry, Mum and Dad).
I craved the anonymity of Paris, as well as its glamour.
Above all, I was dying to give dating a try in the ‘City of Love’ – hoping my experiences would be at least a tad more fun than in my suburban enclave.
And, with the worst of the Covid-19 pandemic behind me, it seemed like the time to go. Armed with a job in marketing and my vintage trench coat, I was off.
People warn you that Paris is expensive – but coming from London, I wasn’t too worried.
That was until I realised rent for the flat I had chosen would amount to £1,200 – for comparison, my current London apartment sets me back just £1,000 with bills included. The first pitfall I encountered.
But that wasn’t Paris’ biggest downfall. I was expecting it.
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Is Paris really a paradise for romance, or is its dating scene just a disappointing illusion?
It’s marketed as the City of Love – so our writer put the romantic credentials of the city to the test
Paris snapped at sunrise from the top of Montmartre, one of the most romantic places in the city – vs (right), the reality of drinking alone here
What disappointed me the most was that, for a city that markets itself as romantic, it’s surprisingly difficult to find love here.
I had no such success here – meeting my partner back in comparatively unromantic London years later – while all my friends in Paris seemed devastated by a string of romantic betrayals: everything from prospective dates who wouldn’t commit to full-blown adultery.
The prude English woman in me couldn’t bear it when one man called me his ‘girlfriend’ on the second date and asked me to meet his parents – with no prior warning.
Needless to say, there was no third date.
Don’t take it from me, though – the list of romantic failures in Paris are ironic given the city’s reputation as the zenith of romantic.
One friend told me: ‘My entire dating experience with dating in France can be summed up as – every French guy I’ve ever dated has proposed to (or actually taken me on) a romantic trip within the first few weeks. And is also doing the same with five other women. And he’s in love with each one.’
Romantic, sure. But hardly the seeds of a serious relationship.
In fact, I don’t have a single friend who is still dating someone from Paris. Most of us failed to form strong love connections – and those who did were generally left in a state of utter heartbreak.
Paris is beautiful – great for a romantic weekend away. But perhaps not to actually find love…
While the city has many perks, dating here can be a struggle – and Erin left to move back to the UK with no handsome Parisian boyfriend in tow
While I am sure plenty of people find – and keep – love in Paris, for me, the city is far better as a romantic holiday destination with an existing partner than the place to find one in the first place.
The ‘romantic’ notion of Paris is fast becoming cheapened – with garish proposals under the Eiffel Tower a dime a dozen, roses sold on street corners, accordian players serenading any ‘lovers’ (read: tourists strolling, unaware, in their vicinity) and cliched restaurants offering deals on a ‘menu for two’.
In glossy magazines and in the movies, every female character finds Prince Charming in the high-end restaurants and cafes of Paris.
In reality, you’re more likely to be dumped by a Luc, Henri or Thomas who just ‘doesn’t have the time to focus on dating right now, mon amour.’
In a city of so many people, everyone seems to feel replaceable – you can move on from one ‘girlfriend’ only to find a new one the next day.
Sure, you could put it all down to me being young, to the decline dating culture the world over, to the presence of online apps in every corner of the globe.
But it seems most paradoxical that the city in which I’ve found dating the hardest is the one known as the city of love.
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