While a four-poster bed covered in rose petals at a fancy hotel might sound like the stuff of romantic fairytales, it could also be a red flag that your relationship isn’t where it should be this Valentine’s Day.
Performative, overblown gestures of holiday romance – designed to be shared on social media – might not add up to happy ever after, one relationship expert has warned.
Giovanna Smith, founder of match-making agency Perfect Fusions, says the location of the romantic getaway your other half chooses isn’t what necessarily matters, but the ‘intent’ behind it does.
‘A trip can be wildly romantic or deeply cringe depending on whether it’s attuned to the other person, or performed for the fantasy (and Instagram),’ she tells the Daily Mail.
She explains: ‘An act of love is “less about the backdrop”, instead it’s more about “how someone makes you feel in the backdrop”.
Whether your partner whisks you away to an exclusive resort in a dreamy destination, or plans a something smaller but still thoughtful, what matters is ‘consistency and ‘attunement’, Giovanna says.
‘Romance isn’t what you book, it’s how you behave when the booking goes wrong’.
An extravagant trip should not do ‘the heavy lifting’ in your relationship but can be a ‘beautiful bonus’.
Cupid’s about to strike…but being whisked away to paradise might not bode well for long-term love, says relationship expert Giovanna Smith
Smaller acts of love matter just as much and often suggest whether the relationship will work out long-term or not, Giovanna adds.
Here, Giovanna shares her thoughts on the kind of trips that might raise relationship red flags, and those that signal you’ve found a keeper…
A log cabin for two in a Scottish forest
Big skies, big love: A romantic bolt-hole for two in the Highlands means you’re paired up with someone who’s ‘grounded, emotionally present and prioritises intimacy over spectacle’
Tucked away in a peaceful forest in the Scottish Highlands, your only concern is to choose between spending the evening by the crackling fire pit or bubbling away in the hot tub.
A weekend getaway to a log cabin for two is a great way to treat the special person in your life.
For Giovanna, this type of holiday is perfect if ‘it’s cosy, private, and gives space to actually connect’.
The secluded nature of it, paired with being a good way to spend quality alone time together says the person behind the grand plan is ‘grounded, emotionally present, prioritises intimacy over spectacle,’ according to the expert.
But, it can be a warning sign if the trip doesn’t match the pace of the relationship, especially if it is ‘used as a shortcut to intensity,’ she says.
What’s more, this type of holiday is not great if it is used to isolate you before the trust exists in the relationship.
Giovanna’s verdict: Strong green flag
Self-drive boat trip around Italy
Sailing on the seas of romance: A boat trip for two is a thoughtful trip, our expert advises
You’re crashing over waves, the sun is beating down and a soft wind blows through your hair as your partner steers the boat into another idyllic cove along the Italian coast and you sip a glass of fizz.
Sounds perfect, right? Yes, according to Giovanna, as long as it has all the good intentions and thought behind it to make the experience pleasant for everyone involved.
If the boat trip is ‘playful, thoughtful, and planned with comfort/safety in mind (seasickness tablets, shade, timing, ‘we can dock any time’),’ it’s a great way to spend time together.
The relationship expert adds, ‘It says: adventurous, effortful, romantic in a lived-in way.’
However, it’s all about the delivery. If the boat journey turns into a moment for your partner to show off and not pay attention to your needs, it could be a red flag.’
‘If you’re stressed the whole time, it’s not romance, it’s a performance,’ Giovanna explains.
Giovanna’s verdict: Green flag (with a small caution).
Paris weekend ticking off the tourist sights
Touring the endless sights the ‘City of Love’ has to offer is lovely if its a ‘shared dream’ between you and your partner
The ‘City of Love’ seems like the perfect destination for a Valentine’s Day holiday – it’s the most loved-up location in Europe, right?
Only if it’s done well and suits both of your desires. Giovanna explains how a weekend in Paris touring all of the sights is great, if ‘it’s your shared dream and there’s room for spontaneity’.
If the trip is planned with love and thought, expert determines it shows the person is ‘romantic, traditional, enjoys shared experiences’.
However, trying to fit in the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Montmatre, Sacre Coeur and other iconic landmarks the French capital boasts into a short getaway could be a recipe for disaster.
It’s not the best idea for a trip if it ends up feeling ‘rigid, box-ticking, and stressful, or someone is doing ‘Paris’ because they think they should,’ Giovanna says.
She adds, ‘Romance dies quickly in an itinerary that feels like a military operation.’
Giovanna’s verdict: Yellow-to-green flag (depends how it’s done).
Caravan of love? Budget-friendly trip to the British coast with your loved one’s family
For some couples, a simple caravan trip with family is the perfect break, but Giovanna warns this is only great if the ‘relationship is established’
Tucking into fish and chips by the sea and returning to a homely caravan with all of your beloved family members could prove to be a perfect way to spend a weekend with your partner – without breaking the bank.
Giovanna sees it as a great holiday as long as the ‘relationship is established’ and a long-term connection is already there between you and your partner. It also needs to be ‘genuinely inclusive,’ says the expert.
If a success, a wholesome caravan trip shows the person is ‘family-oriented, real-life partner energy, not ashamed of simplicity’.
But, such holiday might not work out if the relationship is still quite new and it could quickly become intense with the added element of family members being close by.
‘Meeting the family can be lovely, or a subtle pressure cooker,’ Giovanna concludes.
Giovanna’s verdict: Green flag for long-term potential — but context matters.
A weekend for two at Center Parcs
Cycling and enjoy the many adventurous and outdoor-based activities Center Parcs has to offer is perfect if both of you ‘bond through fun, movement, and teamwork’
Known for being a classic British family holiday provider, Center Parcs promises a trip packed full of action and fun – if being outdoors and getting stuck in with activities is your kind of thing.
Giovanna says it’s perfect if both of you ‘bond through fun, movement, and teamwork’.
Center Parcs offers plenty of opportunities to go on a bike ride or even tackle a climbing wall, all based in a peaceful woodland setting.
Planning such a trip can suggest the person ‘enjoys building memories rather than just posing for them’ and is ‘playful’ as well as ‘health-positive’, according to Giovanna.
But spending time outdoors and being adventurous isn’t for everyone and some people would rather relax instead.
In fact, it can be a warning sign if ‘one person is forcing ‘activity romance’ on someone who just wants to rest, warmth, and slow time’.
‘Compatibility is revealed by how you handle differences, not by how many steps you did,’ the relationship expert says.
Giovanna’s verdict: Green flag (especially for modern couples).
A petal-strewn bed at a five-star resort in the Maldives
Beware performative gestures designed for showboating on social media, such as the rose petal covered four-poster
You check in to your hotel in the gorgeous Maldives and head straight to the pristine beach with twinkling turquoise waters.
Afterwards, you return to the bedroom to find rose petals scattered all over the crisp, white bedding. For some, this might be a dream holiday, while others might be overwhelmed or even repulsed.
Giovanna is a fan of such an extravagant romantic gesture, as long as it is ‘a shared fantasy and the care matches the cost (kindness, patience, consistency)’.
For the relationship expert, this type of luxurious holiday and display could suggest the person is ‘generous, romantic’ and ‘wants to spoil you’.
However, there could be trouble in paradise if ‘the gesture is grand but the relationship is shaky, inconsistent, or secretive,’ Giovanna says.
‘Big scenery can be used to distract from big problems. Flowers on the bed don’t fix emotional unavailability.’
Giovanna’s verdict: Green flag or red flag — it’s the classic ‘depends.’
A hiking trip that ends with a Sunday roast at your favourite pub
Tucking into a Sunday roast after a long hike with your partner will leave you full of good food, memories and love
Trekking through rolling hills in muddy boots with your partner to your favourite pub for a Sunday roast could be an idyllic way to end a Valentine’s weekend.
Despite the potential aching legs and insect bites, the quality time outside and ending with a hearty meal makes this trip a ‘big green flag’ for Giovanna.
As long as the hike is ‘tailored to you’, that is. The hike should be done at your pace, and the pub works as long as its picked with you in mind – ‘your kind of day’, says the expert.
If someone carefully plans such a perfect trip like this just for you, it can suggest they are ‘observant, grounded’ and have ”I know you’ energy’.
But, it might not always be the dream day out if it is used against you – for example, if it ‘becomes a test’ of endurance or personality, ‘or you feel judged for not being outdoorsy,’ Giovanna explains.
‘Romance shouldn’t feel like an audition.’
Giovanna’s verdict: Big green flag.
Penthouse in Dubai – with your own private butler, infinity pool and candle-lit dinners
A luxurious penthouse in Dubai is a ‘yellow flag’ for Giovanna who says it depends on the couple’s relationship
Imagine looking down from a private penthouse onto views of a sprawling metropolis packed with skyscrapers and luxurious shopping centres in the Middle East.
You step outside to find an infinity pool on your rooftop area, and after a swim a butler awaits you to guide you to a table adorned with candles and the very best food.
For some this might be normality, and a great way to spend a holiday, but only if it comes as ‘part of a stable, respectful relationship not used to control or impress,’ says Giovanna.
Planning such a special trip can be a sign of someone who is ‘generous, enjoys luxury, loves creating experiences’.
But the relationship expert warns of ‘early-stage love-bombing’ if it comes with negativity like being ‘used to buy trust’ or has expectations attached.
‘Extreme luxury early on can be less ‘romance’ and more ‘power move’,’ Giovanna adds.
Giovanna’s verdict: Yellow flag (can be fabulous – can be a warning).
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