Hotel receptionists are well within their rights at check-in to request the likes of passports, credit cards and lists of allergies.
But asking you to sign a disclaimer that your children won’t be disruptive at mealtimes? That was a new one.
Warily, I scrawled my name in a jet-lagged haze. It was a gamble. Meal times with my then two-year-old were tricky.
Negotiating with a toddler who has just learnt the words to Wheels On The Bus, who has fine-tuned the shrillness of his voice and who has perfected his overhead throw presented its challenges.
Anyway, we – hotel guests and parents – got by relatively unscathed in that short stay at Kamala in Thailand.
The same, however, could not be said of a recent trip to Rhodes.
There were two principal sets of people to avoid. The first, child-free couples of a certain age.
Even worse though, were older couples, sans kids, who had, for some reason known only to themselves, booked into a family-friendly hotel.
Why not a more peaceful adults-only hotel? These, according to the latest figures, now account for about a fifth of all new hotel openings. The answer remains a mystery to me.
I felt the first eyes boring into me on the beach when my toddler started happily building a sandcastle.
I had already chosen the worst positioned loungers – far away from reading couples, right by the loos – but there’s only so much you can do to mitigate your children’s existence.
I’m a considerate traveller, apart – it seems – from the fact that I’ve decided to procreate. A child laughing on a beach is simply no reason to cast dirty looks.
Meal times were worst. We selected the buffet over the a la carte option to keep things simple (and quicker).
Noisy… or nice? Many holidaymakers complain about children abroad – but why don’t they stay in adults-only resorts?
Our youngest, then aged six months, was in the early stages of weaning. The result was a great deal of food on the floor.
I was endlessly scooping up squashed bananas and crackers from the tiles to a soundtrack of his pained crying (he also suffered severe reflux).
I get it – this is not what you want on holiday. It’s not what I want on my holiday either.
But Greece is a country with dozens of adults-only hotels. Why then, if noisy children upset you, are you not in one of those?
Our week went by in a sleep- deprived haze. We began to get rather used to the ‘reprimands’. One sixtysomething couple seemed to target us with eyerolls and tutting at any given opportunity.
By our final day, I was on the cusp of confrontation, but the language barrier – and my husband – held me back.
Peace and quiet: Hannah says given the option to avoid family-friendly hotels, she would
Yet one lovely lady would wave and play peekaboo with our baby from a nearby table. On one occasion, she came over and said: ‘You’re doing a great job!’ It was incredibly kind amid so much negativity.
Join the discussion
Should child-free people holiday in adults-only resorts?
All of this has got me thinking. It’s about time hotels decided either to be family-friendly or adults-only, rather than straddle both (requiring disclaimers).
Regarding fellow guests, instead of exhibiting displeasure, how about saying something nice for a change?
And if you can’t muster up the faux enthusiasm, can I suggest that you stop ruining my holiday and go somewhere else.
How about an adults-only hotel? That’s where I’d be in your shoes.
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Don’t like my toddler making a racket? Stop moaning and book an adults-only hotel next time
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