If you want to overdose on envy, take a Friday evening drive through the Cotswolds, where it’s bumper to bumper with Bentley SUVs.
But by the time we reach our destination, The Lakes By Yoo, an 850-acre estate in Lechlade, my family feels ready to swank with the haves and the have-yachts.
A security guard hands us a map and we rumble along gravel roads, past gleaming Range Rovers and wood-clad buildings that look like supersized garden offices.
‘They designed them on Minecraft,’ says our daughter, Saskia, 12, referring to the video game.
Most are privately owned, with interiors by the likes of designer Kelly Hoppen and Kate Moss (yes, the supermodel).
Board meeting: Catherine Blyth checks into The Lakes By Yoo, an 850-acre estate in Lechlade
No sign indicates our apartment, but a kind cleaner shows us the way. Up the stairs we lug our bags, feeling a little unwelcome – until we step inside.
Wow! It’s beautiful, with a vast balcony overlooking a lake. ‘Let’s stay for ever,’ says Raffy, ten.
Not likely, for what this weekend is costing, although a leaflet says it could be ours for £1.5 million (and it comes with access to the spa, children’s activities and private chefs, not to mention terminal status anxiety).
Describing her arrival at the estate, Catherine says they ‘rumble along gravel roads, past gleaming Range Rovers and wood-clad buildings that look like supersized garden offices’
Saturday begins with brunch at The Lakes Bar & Kitchen – the only place on site that sells food.
We tuck into pancakes alongside bankers scowling at smartphones and jolly locals from the sailing club next door.
Then on to our courtesy bicycles. We whizz around the lakes until we’re directed to The Meadow, where Saskia and I grab a kayak, the menfolk a canoe, and off we paddle alongside ducklings. Better yet, we can peek inside the hedge-funder palaces at the water’s edge.
Catherine describes the rental accommodation at the estate as ‘beautiful’. Above is one of the home’s bedrooms
Guests can whizz around the lakes on courtesy bicycles, Catherine reveals
Three-bedroom apartments at The Lakes By Yoo cost from £850 per night
The accommodation is self-catering, Catherine reveals, saying: ‘The Lakes staff will unpack an Ocado (of course) delivery for you’
Back on shore, a woman called Amber gives a superb paddleboard lesson, with her dog riding shotgun, while also telling us all about the otters and a farm.
We find the farm but it’s padlocked, so drop off the children at Activities Tower.
All activities incur a charge, and I mean to escape for a siesta, but the instructors – firemen from Swindon – sweet-talk me on to the zip wire. Soaring behind my children I discover I hate heights.
Catherine enjoys a ‘fab’ massage in the estate’s spa area, pictured above
Above is The Lakes Bar & Kitchen, the only place on site that sells food. ‘We tuck into pancakes alongside bankers scowling at smartphones and jolly locals from the sailing club next door,’ says Catherine
Catherine (not pictured) has a ‘superb’ paddleboard lesson on site
Then comes the treetop walk, where I learn a crucial life lesson: never walk on logs, 80ft above ground, in flip-flops. Raffy scampers ahead while Saskia has a meltdown.
It takes two firemen to coax us tremblers around the course.
Afterwards, I stagger to the spa for a fab massage while the rest of the family head to the pool, daydreaming about life as weekend millionaires.
We have a lovely time, but a real millionaire might take issue with some details, such as dodgy bicycles, malfunctioning room keys and erratic water pressure.
The worst is a farcical Sunday lunch at Lakes Bar & Kitchen, where we wait an hour among famished diners before begging for bread.
But perhaps self-catering is the way to go – as The Lakes staff will unpack an Ocado (of course) delivery for you.
TRAVEL FACTS
Three-bedroom apartments at The Lakes By Yoo cost from £850 per night (thelakesbyyoo.com).
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